JOY in the JOURNEY

I am starting this post off by claiming that I am just sitting down to write.  You will get to experience reading the rough draft.
The rough.   The raw.   The real.

I am not going back to read through and adjust my thoughts, grammar,  style, etc.  
I felt the need to JUST WRITE.

So here it goes....

If you were to come upon my home, you would not be greeted with a glowing candle, freshly clean floors, or cleared countertops, or even clean kids.   My home is and has been in dissaray for quite sometime.  And, as you can see I have not been in this corner of my life (this blog) for quite sometime as well. 

Neglected.
My home.  My blog.  My kids. My husband. My God.

And, yet none of them have neglected me.  They have only just waited.   Waited for me.

How blessed I am to have these stable supporters in my life.

I have been going through some rough patches in my journey of life.  I ponder back over the last five years and realize that this journey has been a roller coaster of ups and downs....with mostly some really low valleys and big hills to climb.

But, I press on.

I press on because God is with me.  He holds onto my hand in the darkness of the valley  and pulls me up out those valleys and pushes me upward through the difficult climb.  

My HOME:
To be honest, it really is a disaster.  It looks like it could be on one of those episodes of  "The Hoarder"....and it is not really that I have a sickness like that of those people on there where they just can't get rid of stuff.   It is just that I have been physically ill, that I have just not physically been able to handle my home of 4 girls, a dog, and a patient husband.   I go from one project to the next without finishing it, in hopes of just finding some sort of organization to the maddness.   Laundry is piled. books scattered, stuff everywhere...  I believe it is so overwhelming that I just don't know where to begin sometimes.  But, I have been taking little steps to rectify the situation.  Now, that I am on my road to recovery, I feel like a light has been shed on my home and I am now seeing just how bad it really is.... I was truly in a dark cloud for sometime....just trying to manage on moment at a time.  I ignored it...didn't want to really "see" it.... but, now I am just taking a big breath and reminding myself.... little steps.  little steps.  My hope is in the Lord.  little steps. little steps.  He is my strength when I am weak.  little steps. little steps.   I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength.  little steps. little steps.

My FAMILY:
I have been trying to do my best with circumstances.  But, honestly, I get down on myself for not FEELING myself enough to truly take care of them. I have managed to get out some meal plans on some weeks, I have mangaged to sweep the floor here and there for them.  But, it has been a struggle on so many levels to truly be a mother of purpose for them.    I am so tired most of the time that reading a book to them seems like a HUGE task.  I miss my family.   I miss my girls..... taking them to the park.  Reading with them.  Playing with them.  Dreaming with them. Singing with them.
I miss my husband. I miss our dates and snuggle times.   I miss going into depths conversations about something new we have read.  I miss the intimacy of just "being" together.   Life has been a fog.  I just want clarity in our lives.

My BLOG:
I thought it was time for me to put some thoughts down on "paper" and write.  Share a bit of my soul. I have missed writing here.  It has usually been an outlet for me to blog.  But, this time in my life it has been difficult to do much of anything.  I hope to write more often.  I just can't guarantee it.  Life has taken a different direction.  A good twist and turn in the road set before me.

My perspective has changed.  The signs on the road have changed.  My look towards the horizon is more of hope and joy.  So, I am unsure of the direction of this blog....except that it has always just waited patiently here for me to write when I can.   And, of that I am thankful.   Thankful that when God gives me the energy to write...... I CAN write.

My HEALTH:
As some of you know.  I have been struggling a long time with being ill.  I have Crohn's Disease and I am sure lots of other ailments.  This past year, I started getting worse.   I was extremely fatigued, tingling hands and feet, struggling with depression,  a mind of mush, in a fog,  aching body, headaches,  stomach issues, etc.  I was a mess. It has been so hard to just manage day to day.  And, kept getting worse.   But, God in his gentle voice kept pusing me through those dark times and I am just now feeling like I have reached the bottom of a dark pit and now just seeing the light way up there on the top of that mountain I am about to climb.
I went to a Doctor (the third doctor)  and am starting to see some light shedding forth.   I am excited about these changes to a healthier me --- which means a healthier home, life, and family.   I am just in the beginning stages of this healing process.
Honestly?   I am scared a bit.   I am stepping out of this ironically comfortable routine of deadness ...and starting to see life.  To have Life, be healthy, strong again encourages me.    I am in expectation of change.
God is so good.

I am finding that HE longs for more of me.   And, I long for MORE of HIM.    I so long for PEACE in my life and home.

It has been so overwhelming for such a long time, that I am desperate to grab a hold of this PEACE.  SANCTUARY.

I am craving for JOY.   ....... so now I am on a journey of  finding JOY.  

One Project At A Time: The Linen

It might seem strange to most, but I just think the word "linen" is so  sophisticated. It just reminds me of the fresh clean scent of sheets and towels that are soft and luxurious. I think of stepping into a high end hotel room with all the clean beautiful ammenities. I know, it might be a tad strange - but, don't you think that some words just hold a certain smell, memory, thought, or reference when you speak it?  Well, I do.  And, I think that the word "Linen" is much more refreshing to say then my plain old sheets and towels.

So... back to the MAIN point of this post. (Thank you for obliging me to spin off on a luxurious word)

My Linen.

I thought I would share with you my next little phase of "Simplifying our Home".  I worked on the linen closet.  We have two of these in our home.  One in the main hallway and one in the master suite -- which currently the girls use as their bathroom (I can share why that is later, if you are so interested).

I will just be showing you the main one in the hallway today. What I didn't do for you was take before pictures. Sorry. But, you can trust me that is was previously a big mess.  First, I did an overhaul  with ALL my medications, lotions, toiletries, first aid..etc.  and put it out onto the table.
YIKES!

  I had a huge day of sorting, purging old stuff, and then putting like items together.  I bought some new bins to hold the items and then labeled each box according to category:  Kids medicines,  Pain meds, Cold & Flu,  first aid, soaps, lotions, hands, feet, etc.  I located them to the top two shelves in our closet (on one side).

In regards to the linen closet -  I took everything out and sorted what I could give away, what could be used as rags, and what could just be thrown away.   I simplified a lot.  Each bed has 2 sets of sheets, that way a clean one goes on while the other is washing.  I recently got some new towels for Christmas, so I got rid of those old towels we had since we got married in 1999.  It is nice to have something new and fresh.  The towels in this closet are for adults and guests.  The girls have their own towels in their bathroom. I will show you that later.

Here is the first side of the linen closet = done up all perty like. 
Towels are below the labeled boxes as well as some afgans.

 On the other side of the closet:
Top Shelf - I have a bin of doiles, a comforter,
4th Shelf - napkins with napkin ring box, table clothes
3rd Shelf - Guest bedroom sheets, basket with guest related items, linen sprays, etc.
2nd Shelf - Master bedroom linens
1st Shelf - Girls linens
Bottom (floor) - blankets

TIP: One of the tricks that I do with my sheets is to fold them and then put them in the matching pillow case. This allows for the sheets to be all together and not have to search and find loose sheets, cases.  I think it makes it look a little neater and clean kept as well.

How do you organize your luxurious linens?

One Project At A Time: Laundry Room

This week I overhauled my laundry room. I have a "pass through" type laundry room,which means the door from the garage is on one side and the other door leads into the house.  It is narrow and small - but, functionally built with cabinets for storage. 
I would love to have a big laundry where I could hang clothes, fold clothes, etc. But, I am content with what I have and I managed it the best way possible for us right now. 
Let me show you what I did.


Before -  Cabinets mostly disorganized and random laundry baskets up top.

 A nice pile of stuff on the dryer.  Yikes!

 And more pictures of stuff everywhere - utility sink, etc. 

 So?  What did I do with my mess?   Well,  I first cleared all the stuff off of the washer and dryer and stuck in a pile in the hallway.  I proceeded to do the same with each cabinet.   As I went through each cabinet, I put what I no longer needed in a bag of throw away or a box of give away. 

I wiped out each cabinet and then put back supplies I wanted to keep with appropriate labels.   After the cabinets were done,  I cleaned behind the dryer and washer.  BLECK!  Amazing what fire hazard stuff you will find back there.  I think I will make that a yearly cleaning job.   It was bad.

I wiped off the top & inside of the washer and dryer.   Cleaned out Utility sink, swept floors, and put back things where they belonged.

 I added a can of some dried lavender and some fake pretty purple flowers to "freshen" up the space and make it a little "homey". 

 My first cabinet -- houses candles and candle holders.

 My second cabinet is housing some medications, vitamins and also some laundry supplies.

 The third cabinet houses some of the tissue, vaccuum bags, "poisionous" products (I only have a few up there).  Baskets of facial tissues and some random items and the other basket of plug-ins, etc.  And, then my daily cleaning prodcuts below on the bottom shelf.

 On top of the cabinets: I took down the silly frames for laundry baskets -- I wasn't even sure where the bags were to those and WHY?  I was saving them.  Out they went.
I put three wicker baskets up top with labels on each.

 1. Gloves & Scarves  2. Seasonal Hats.  3.  Yet to be named!

 On the far right wall I have hooks that I hang some of my mops, grabber, brooms etc.  As well as our swimming bag.

 I tried to label as much as I could and organize "likes" of things into bins.  Here is my ironing supplies and laundry sprays.   I think the labeling will also come in handy more and more as I teach my girls how to do laundry or different tasks.  They will know where stuff  belongs, helping them become better organized too.

 It feels so nice to have a cleaner, more organized laundry room.  As, I am getting my new laundry system under way (hope to share that soon), it will be nice to have a better flowing laundry experience. :) 

One Project At A Time:

SIMPLIFY -
Oh, that big complicated word.  It seems to be all the rage these days.   To be organized in all facets of your life.   I so desire it.  I admit it.   I struggle with it.  I go round and round with it.   I think that becoming a mother has brought me into a deeper appreciation and love for simplicity and organization. 
So... here I am in the midst of Simplifying my home.

I have been working on one project or area in my home.  I find that doing a little bit at a time, makes me feel a sense of satisfaction that I accomplished "something" -- even if it is only a little bit.    My main goal is to have gone through my entire house by Sept. 1st decluttering and "organizing" every cranny.  Yes, it is a daunting and big goal, but I am determined just to continue as much as I can and not become frustrated with myself.  The goal of September 1st is for the main reason our local church has a missions yard sale and I want to give all our giveaway "stuff" to them.  I am not sure that I will reach my goal, but I am pressing ON!

I have been reading through the book Organized Simplicity.  

And, I have really loved the concept of what she has written.  It is important to have an attitude of thankfulness as I go through this process and not get caught up in having a "perfect" home, but rather a peaceful home environment that works for us -- a place that envelops less stress, less clean-up, less stuff - more peace, more time in relationships and fun.

" Creating a more peaceful living space doesn't happen overnight, nor does this tranquility remain forever unchanged once you've arrived at uncluttered nirvana.  A peaceful home requires a change of attitude, a habit of regular maintenance, and a lifelong commitment to place higher priority on relationships and events than on things." ~ Organized Simplicity

Keeping in my mind as I walk through this journey-  ONE STEP AT A TIME.

I am focusing on one or two area(s) or room per week - depending on the size.
Here is my list.

Feel free to join me if you so feel challenged. Make your own list or follow along with mine.  I may have to adjust, but at least I have an outline or list to start.

1. Laundry Room
2. Linen Closet/Coat & Game Closet
3. Fridge/Pantry/Freezer
4. Bathrooms
5.Living/ Family Room
5. Kitchen Cabinets
6.Office - Craft/Sew Room
7. Master Bedroom
8. Guest Room
9. Girls Room

Summer is here....

Summer is here and we have been busy, busy, busy.

We also have a short Summer vacation this year and seems that we squeeze everything we can in -- swimming, camping, VBS, Christian Camp for girls, sleepovers,  playdates with friends, more swimming, more camping... and so on...

I do love Summer and I do love having my girls home.  It is nice to stay up late and sleep in a little bit.  I still haven't quite got Audria trained yet.  Though, one day she did sleep in until about 10am and I awoke her up.   But, for the most part she wakes about 8:00am, which is sleeping in for her.

The weather has been remarkably beautiful -- not too many hot days thus far.  Though, I am thinking maybe in August it just might start being HOT again..... maybe that will be a good time to hit the coast.

I love the ocean.  And, I have made it a priority this Summer for my toes to find the sand and salty waters!

We have most of our garden in as well -- and so far our thumbs are turning to be green and not brown.  We planted a little bit later than usual, however the weather has also been a little unusual as well.   We have got lots of tomatoes, peppers, beans, eggplant, carrots, chard, basil, arugula, lettuces, beets, and more!!   I am still wanting to plant some potatoes....do you think it is too late??

I am wanting to have a year around garden -- just have to find out what grows best in what season.

Update on my health -- I am still trying to take it easy and also to try and eat as health as I can.  Unfortunately, (and honestly) I am not always good about eating the right things.  I LOVE to eat...and I LOVE to eat the not so healthy carbs, sugar, salt foods.  Ugh.     But, I am really trying to change my ways of eating more and more towards a healthy diet.   I think I will share more on that later.

As of now,  my goals --- exercise ( I am not one to like exercise - so prayers appreciated!!!)  and also healthy eating.

I thought I would share some pics with you of our happenings in the month of June!! Hope you are all doing well and blessed.

Audria and her buddy Mallie

She has caputred Summer sunshine!  Love her! 

My Jazz girl, ballerina, and acrobatic! 

Grandma and Rosi swimming at Lydia birthday party

The lifeguard letting Lydia blow the whistle and announce the plans for the party.

My sweet birthday girl!  Lydia turned 7 years old and had a pool party with zumba!

Father's Day/ Poppi birthday.  The girls and their Poppie --we surprised him with a visit on his birthday which was also Father's Day.

Sophi 's present to her sister Lydia was a dance and Happy Birthday song.  Lydia's facial expression was hilarious.

Sophi dance for Lydia.

Sweet little ballerina.

Lydia's birthday cake. We decorated it together.

Zumba dance at her birthday party.  They loved it!

He is plotting the course...

Lately, I have been wrapping my mind around the thoughts of this question:

"God what do you desire of me and the journey of my life?"

I struggle with thoughts of comparing - lust of others.  Not in a sexual way - but, more of a lust in the direction of their lives. Their adorable, nicely dressed and well-behaved children.  Their home business that is creative and crafty.  Their award winning blogs or popular talents of music on display for many to see, that they are missionaries in a land where they are such amazing Godly people, books they write, songs they compose, hair and faces that are pretty,  bodies that are beautifully thin and fit,  they ran marathons, they are active in charity, they have adorable decorated homes, ... blah, blah, blah.

How easily it can be to compare what I don't have or what I do have and not want to those around me, friends or even non-friends.

I don't always do this - but, it can be an easy trail for my thoughts to wander down.

The struggle is not with just comparing to others -- but, also the struggle for me lies in really knowing what God desires for me -- here and now as well as in the future.   I have ideas of what I would like to become or do... but, then again I have to be thankful for NOW.... for where God has placed me now. 

I find that the healing comes in the Thanksgiving.

Be thankful to God for all that he provides and all tha the gives -- even in the hard parts of life. 

To be thankful for WHO I am.... WHO I will become.... WHERE I am.... WHERE I will go...

being satisfied in the WHY -- because God is the WHY to everything I do, all that I  am....

Recently, I read this quote from John Piper and it just puts things into perspective for me.
I walk through really hard times - but, know that God walks them WITH me.

“Life is not a straight line leading from one blessing to the next and then finally to heaven. Life is a winding and troubled road. Switchback after switchback. And the point of biblical stories like Joseph and Job and Esther and Ruth is to help us feel in our bones (not just know in our heads) that God is for us in all these strange turns. God is not just showing up after the trouble and cleaning it up. He is plotting the course and managing the troubles with far-reaching purposes for our good and for the glory of Jesus Christ.”
~John Piper, A Sweet and Bitter Providence: Sex, Race, and the Sovereignty of God~

A verse I am holding close to lately --  Jeremiah 29:11   - I know the plans he has for me, to give me a hope and future (my paraphrase)

He is with  me in all turns and twists of life --  through all mountains and valleys -- though every direction or circumstance that I face in this journey of life.


 So, how to answer that question:  "God what do you desire of me and the journey of my life?"
 And also not to go on to the trail of "comparing"  - I am reminded of God's advice in Romans 8:5

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.

Keeping my mind on the things of the Spirit.    Building that relationship with HIM deeper and deeper daily - and also being thankful for the gifts HE has given me. 


It is a journey I walk every day - holding on to HIS hand through all things.

UPDATE - my health

So, I have been out for over a month -- is that my longest stretch yet??  I thought I would come back from my hiatus with at least a few photos to share.  Seriously, how much do we most enjoying looking at pictures on a blog.  I know I do.  So keep reading through to find some pictures for you to enjoy near the end.

This has been a rough month for me.  "God, I trust in YOU, because I know you are refining me in major ways."

It began back in January (probably earlier than that -however,)  when I realized that I was quite tired almost all the time -- this was not a "normal-mom-of-four-little-girls" kind of tired.  It was extreme fatigue.  I basically ignored the symptoms.  And it began to become increasingly worse.  I was even more forgetful,  in a fog most of the time, suffering with depression, and increased fatigue. I felt overwhelmed and stressed with most of "life"... I was being pushed over the edge with my health. I was not taking care of me.  Therefore, not being able to truly take care of my family either.   I kept pushing on... but, I knew that sooner or later I would have to comes to terms with my health.

I have not really had a regular Doctor for sometime.  It is so hard to find a Doctor that you really trust, feel comfortable sharing details to, and also that in turn they understand what you are dealing with. Plus, I did not want to go to a Doctor just to be pushed towards conventional medicines that would end up just masking the situation.   In years past, I had a Doctor (homeopathic, certified nutritionist) whom I LOVED...but, he was no longer working in my area.  sigh.

I ended up going to another "natural" Doctor recommended by a friend.  I was nervous.  God showed up to comfort me.  However, I felt during the conversation that my outcome was computer generated from my saliva and urine samples...plugged in... and then given some "stuff'' that most likely all his patients get.

Well, I think taking the stuff just pushed my body to the end.   My body went into a full blown flare-up that weekend.   I was miserable and on the verge of going to the ER several times.  We don't have health insurance for me, so I resisted going....  I was in bed for almost 3 days.

For those of you that don't know.  I suffer from CROHN's DISEASE.   I was diagnosed in the year of 2000.  I maintained in remission for 9 years through diet. Two years after my 3rd child was born, I had a flare-up.  I had to be put on medication and then was able to maintain again through diet.  I got pregnant again and did fine.  But, soon I was not eating healthy and not taking care of myself. Lack of exercise, unhealthy eating, stress, etc. ...  And wo years after my 4th baby, I have again suffered from a Crohn's flare-up.

It is a very frustrating disease.  Though, I know that God is my Emmanuel -- with me.   And, he is also my Healer!!   Right now, I am just taking it one day at a time.   Finding my limits.   Learning to say No.  Resting Lots.   And,  trying to be the best Mommy and Wife I can under these circumstances.

Hope to keep you updated as often as I can.

So, here are some  pictures of just a little bit about what is going on here in the Lil Daisies world.

CELEBRATING MY AUDRIA's 2nd BIRTHDAY * HUBBY B-DAY TOO!

 

 MOTHER'S DAY