Hello?.... Hello?.... (Tap Tap Tap on the microphone)..... Hello? Is anyone still out there?
Ahem. Well. It could just be me. Alone. But, not really alone. God I know YOU are there. Always. Thank you.
And who knows, there just maybe a silent lurker out there... who has patiently waited for me to show up. Maybe?
I imagine myself on a big empty stage with that bright large spotlight shining on me. Standing there, with a microphone on a stand. Staring out into the bright light seeing only darkness of empty seats and an echo of only my voice.
It is very movie-esque in my mind.
I feel the urge to just speak (write) -- I have returned to the pen..uh, the keyboard...the microphone.
The stage... my blog.
The audience ... I really don't know.
I guess that is the wonderful thing about a blog. I own it... it is here.... and it doesn't own me. So, freedom abounds here. I can step out when I feel the need or time.... though, sometimes I truly get stage fright.
At times I really miss it here. Other times the stage fright bites at me again and again. -- What if choke on my words? What if I have nothing important to say? What if there is no-one to hear or cheer me on? What if... What if...
But, I try to not be discouraged about being consistent in life. I try to ignore the "What - if's " -- but, honestly I am human. Fear is most times my worst enemy. I crave the applause sometimes.
And, there is life. Life seems to sneak in like an annoying hyper stage manager or director. You know that high stressed lady with the clipboard...huffing and puffing. She just over loads you with all the things that need to be done... "Go here. Appoinment -- You missed your call time!! Do this. You forgot to put on your make-up.... Did you miss going to hair & make-up? Laundry is piling up...get with the progam!! Dishes not done, sewing is never on the mend -- your costume is falling apart, all the props are in disarray --TOO MUCH CLUTTER BACK STAGE!!"
I just want to be told when to go on....or rather where is the back door exit?
Sometimes, I think that a blog entry has to be perfect, you know? I have to say the right words, or share the right thing, or desire lots of readers, otherwise it is not worth it.
But, who am I kidding? I have to go back to the basic script. The bones, out line of WHY I started this blog in the first place.
So, I think for now.... sometimes I going to just ignore that annoying stage manager pressing in on me and just step out into the bright light shining on me and......
Sing with freedom. Sing whatever lyric or note my heart may be bursting to share. It could be sharp... It could be flat... It could be absolutely beautiful. It could be the worst song you have ever heard. It could be a magnificient chord progession or sounding bang of dissonance, it could be an array of screaming scales, or a sweet melody. Either way.... it will just be me.... singing. Singing.
Yes, I like it.
That is me.
With or without anyone there.