Monday, December 11, 2006

“Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you…”

It is pouring rain outside today. Our home is rather subdued. Tears are pouring from my tired eyes. It is a continual rain of tears. This has been a hard day and this blog entry has been a difficult one to write. But, nonetheless, it will be cleansing to release the emotions built inside these stern protective walls of mine. Breaking down these walls....
I do warn you that this blog entry will probably be random ---as my mind today seems to wander in and out with thoughts. Hopefully, you will be able to make it through these ramblings.

These past few weeks have be wrenching to my soul. I am not sure why it seems that tragedies occur around the same time, but I do know that my hope in the Lord is the only thing that carries me through.
We were affected by the man Kim from CNET that was stranded with his family in Grants Pass area losing his life and his wife and girls are now rescued but left without a husband or a father. Ric watched and listened to CNET for many years and felt a personal connection to this story.
Being a mother, I just could relate to this dear woman.
Then we were struck with possibility of Ric losing his job because of company cuts. We still do not know the outcome yet. We are patiently waiting to hear within the next couple of days. But, during these past weeks, we have prayed that God's will be done. We know that God gives and he takes away. God gave us this job and He can take it away too.

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21

We know that the Lord is in control and will provide. His hand is upon us.
And, then we got news that a very special friend of ours was in a serious accident. We went to college with our friend Ryan Campbell. I first met Ryan when I was in Junior High/high school at a Christian camp. We then met again years later at college. Ryan married a beautiful woman of God, Stacie. Ironically, Stacie went to camp where Ric grew up. It seems there was a special common link between us all. We have been following Ryan's condition since his initial injury. Ryan was in a coma and had suffered serious injury to his brain. Over several weeks, we have been praying and praying. I have been praying for a miracle.
{Sidenote: I remember asking God in November at a womans retreat, to teach me how to pray. I wanted to become a pray warrior. Well, God answered. I began praying for Ryan and would be up in the middle of the night many times just prone to pray. I am not sure this is what I had in mind when I asked God to teach me to pray. But, He knew. And, even though I am tired, I am thankful to just give myself to him and pray.}

I could go into many details and information, but I am drained from reading it all again. Today was the hardest of it all. As today, Ryan passed away and went to be with the Lord. Ryan loved the Lord. He was a youth pastor for many years. He had a lovely wife and three young kids. My heart aches for Stacie. Lydia brought over a book to me. Lydia has a love of books. So sweetly she found a book that peaked her interest and with a grin set it up on my lap. I looked at the title. "Daddy's Girl". Okay...streams of tears just poured again. Lord, what are you trying to teach me?
I had to set her up on my lap and tearfully read the story. Lydia had quite the confused expression....why is Mama reading so sorrowful.

I am trying to remember these things and yet to "live" a life with my children---they do not understand these trials right now. They know Mommy is sad and they try to comfort in their own sweet ways, but really they turn from the sadness and move on. They want to eat, read books, watch a little show on TV, play with their toys. So, I move on too. I have to trust in the Lord that He is control of all things and that I need to walk obedient to him and take on the task at hand. My task at hand? be a Mommy and Wife. I still need to do those little unimportant things that are important. Oxymoron? Well, I need to wash clothes, cook broccoli, help blow little noses, sweep up the cheerios from the morning, take my daughter to the movies, celebrate the 12 days of Christmas, etc. These mundane things that seem so rather unimportant in the perspective of everlasting "life" ---is still important to showing love (that God has given) to my family. In Kingdom perspective, these little things do matter.

So, today I want to write a letter to my daughters and to my husband....if something ever did happen to me, I want them to know the deepest parts of heart, my desires for them, and my over abundant flow of love I have for them.
And, to Stacie, I am blessed by her incredible courage through this life changing time.

Emmanuel---God is with us. Psalm 46---God is our refuge and strength.
Psalm 50:15 -
"Call on me in times of trouble. I will rescue you, and you will honor me."

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